Sometimes life feels like one big waiting room or maybe like a series of waiting rooms. You know? Like I'm on one side of a door which I know I will be going through soon and trying to imagine what exactly awaits me on the other side. Have you ever seen 'Finding Nemo'? Sometimes I feel like I'm that kid waiting to see the dentist on one side of the door and then through the glass fish tank I notice a dentist trying to hold some poor innocent girl down to the chair while she screams endlessly on the other side... okay, so I don't feel EXACTLY like that (and we know from that movie that the little girl isn't THAT innocent) but I think you get the idea. The wait isn't all bad. With the magazines to keep you entertained or if you've got something like an iPhone or iPad... though that's beside the point, it's bearable. When doubt or fear is present, the wait can become excruciating and then you become the kid that doesn't want to see the dentist anymore. I just want to clarify that I'm not afraid of dentists. My aunt is a dentist and my visits to her have so far never been horrible... or at least not to my recollection.
I guess since being delayed in Singapore, which I am discovering more and more as a blessing in disguise through being able to meet up with different people and having some extra time to just be still before the Lord, I've just had more time to entertain doubts. Therefore, I wanted to share about the moments where I have seriously doubted the decisions that I've made, been making and are still needing to make. Sometimes someone just says something, meant with the best of intentions, or something happens that just suddenly makes me want to "give up" as it were. It sounds a little ridiculous doesn't it? It does now but those doubts were not THAT ridiculous and even a tiny bit of fear really is paralyzing.
So yes, it may be true that this is too much for me. It may be true that I am not ready for it. It may be true that I am too young. It may be true that I have no experience. It may also be true that what awaits me beyond today is not what I expect. BUT does that mean that God is not more than enough for me? Does that mean that God is not ready? Does that mean that God cannot use me as I am? Does that mean that just because it is not what I expect that I should not go for it? Does that mean that God is not a God of His word? Of course not! That would be even MORE ridiculous! So you see, it is very easy to look at my own limitations and weaknesses (they are too numerous to count) and it is easy to look at all the problems that are before me (you could probably point more out to me than I'm already looking at) but in the light of all that God is, even the obstacles ahead that I cannot see, are nothing.
I am therefore encouraged and waiting on the other side of the dentist's office is no biggie when I know who the dentist is well enough to trust their gentleness and goodness. I am so grateful to the Lord for that reminder today.
'When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul.' -Psalm 94:19
