Besides waking up at 4am to have breakfast with Jacob and send him on his merry way to work, I suppose today was like every other day. It was even a little thrill to watch the sun rise above the Westfield near the apartment but alas, the warm and fuzzy feeling was not to last and before it even reached noon I felt the dark cloud of disappointment hang heavy over me.
One of the most disappointing events occurred as I opened my personal inbox. It didn't take me long to single out the one email from immigration that I had been waiting for but as I read through the contents carefully, I'm pretty sure I frowned severely. The consolation that I took away, however, was that our case manager was at least considerate about the timing of it all and was willing to hold my application in limbo long enough for me to leave the country on the day I already planned.
The short story is that the visa application did not go through. This means several things; one, it means we will lose AU$2960 if we decide to withdraw the application and that we'd have to pay another AU$2960 to apply again in July so, in case you haven't counted, that's a lot of money towards a little stamp that allows me to stay here. Secondly, if we don't withdraw the application and we decide instead to contest the decision, it may be another lengthy process or if we fail, it'll be even harder to get a visa later. Thirdly, it just means a whole lot of extra hassle which I'd rather not go into especially on either side of an overseas wedding. *sigh*
The biggest disappointment about this situation, however, is what this application stood for. I talked briefly on the phone with my case manager and explained that it was a ridiculous situation because there were no other visa options for someone like me, someone who has genuine intentions for marriage but cannot meet the criteria of the application because of deep spiritual convictions against pre-marriage co-habitation. The only options we are really given is live in separate countries or live in the same room! What a stark reminder that the world we live in doesn't cater for the life God wants us to live and sometimes it feels like the world has the easier option but we know in our hearts that easier doesn't mean right.
I've been reading the much talked about book called 'Radical' by David Platt and struggling to reconcile how to live a radical life while working remotely from home without seeing many people face to face. I guess, in this case, it is a timely challenge to choose the attitude of Christ. It was strangely wonderful to be able to use this opportunity to talk about my faith with this case manager. I had not really thought about it much until after I hung up. I had expected myself to sound hugely frustrated, impatient and perhaps a little angry but for some reason, I didn't feel the anxiety that I normally would have and my case manager was apparently shocked. She mentioned that she had expected a reaction close to tears if not at least an attitude to put up a fight. The conversation didn't end with any epiphany or a strong sense of resolve but I think the Holy Spirit really used it to remind me that these are the times where God is giving us the opportunity to be "radical", to trust Him, to be more Christ-like. It's definitely a struggle and I'm not hugely ecstatic that I didn't get my visa but in what seemed like a most disappointing day, I find that I am hugely encouraged. Praise God that ALL things work for good to those that love Him!
